This I Believe Draft

Going through the early stages of childhood I always craved the presence and company of a friend. During playtime, I’d always make friends to keep myself from being alone. At home I’d always bother my mom with questions and stay in the same room with my sister. This trait didn’t seem to bother my parents: it wasn’t that annoying because I was a kid and, I’d probably out grow it. Little did I know that this was going to be an issue for me as I got older.

The beginning of the middle school era was a breeding ground for insecurities and dependent practices. Cliques began to form and the “populars” began their rein. Before I knew it, the serene and calm school system became a jungle full of ravenous creatures and I, was the lost adventurer.   I remember in a distant memory how I’d shuffle in my loose vans that my mom copped from Ross, how my belly would protrude when I’d look shyly down walking the hallways. I’d walk pass the kids wearing their well fitted skinny jeans, while their hair was in sync with the current fashion. I could feel their eyes follow me as I carried my weight, like as if I was holding a menstrual pad going to the bathroom: swiftly and ashamed. I needed my friends to make me feel at ease. 

This wasn’t enough though, for my insecurities would get the best of me. I’d pull back as my group of friends would laugh loudly during break time, observing the reactions of the students nearby. I knew that I wasn’t part of the cool crowd, but I really wanted to be. Every child has heard it: “be yourself” but this quote is one of those, “it’s better said than done” kind of things. It was hard to fathom that the idea of being “you” would be acceptable in today’s society because, simply, you always wanted to be someone else. 

I could clearly remember me ranting to one of my friends about how inadequate I felt in my own skin.

“Guys, honestly. I really think that if I wasn’t fat ----- would probably think I was cute.” 

I forgot to mention that I was hopelessly in like with guys who thought I was peculiar.

“Maybe if I sucked in my stomach and bought those cute little clips that those girls wore...”

“I should really start exercising.” 

I was in seventh grade for crying out loud. My friends would confront me on how I was changing into a “uptight girly girl” and how it was getting really annoying. That really made me step back and look at how I was acting. I, was becoming the type of person that I promised myself I would never be. I was becoming the person that made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. 

I think it’s true that one negative comment can make you forget all the good things that were said about you. I never really gave much thought about the qualities that made me, me. I focused on the unique traits what I perceived as flaws and blemishes. My amazing, genuine, caring, friends loved me for me. I would soon set-in-stone that belief because I am still close friends with them today. I was trying to fit the role in this play I was in. This thought reminded me of the time when I was watching Oprah and she quoted Oscar Wilde, “Be yourself, everyone else is taken.” I realized then, that I was going to write myself into the script.