Monday, September 10, 2012

College essay: very broad prompt


“In the personal statement, applicants have an opportunity to present themselves creatively, in a way that would not otherwise appear in the application. The statement provides the opportunity to showcase critical thinking and analytical skills in a creative format. Many students begin this statement with an anecdote about themselves, their family, a unique time in their lives, their discipline, or the world around them. An anecdote allows a writer to give a strong narrative opening, hooking the reader in the first paragraph by providing a unique slice of life which can illustrate both the applicant’s individuality and thoughtfulness.”

It's 4 o'clock and I'm on my couch digging my hands through the cushiony seats, my hands searching for the remote. I really should be doing homework but this is far more important.

My family's old so-not-a-flat-screen tv shows a familiar face. An African lady with a short updo is cheerfully walking into the the stage. The crowd has a variety of races, mostly women. 4 o'clock was the time of day where I'd get my daily dose of deep thinking that made you go "aha".

See, I was only 11 when I started to watch the Oprah show, National Geographic, Animal Planet and many interesting and diverse TV shows. Kids my age were often watching a yellow sponge and a pink dimwitted starfish for 3 hours. Since I could remember my thirst for knowledge has always been something that made me tick. Most kids would read "Captain Underpants" while I would be borrowing some Charles Dickens. Of course a dictionary would come along with it. Most kids would talk about cars and toys, while I enjoyed sharing my fun facts on how there was a Gorilla named "Koko" who knew sign language .  I liked to tell stories. Most kids would play with other kids in the neighborhood, while I'd be stuck inside my house because my parents were over protective. I would be stuck writing consuming thoughts in my journal: thoughts like "could I make enough money to buy a space ship before I die?" This is what kid of child I was. I'd like to think that of my way of thinking as a child contributed positively to the well-oiled machine I am today.

My world was colorful as a child and today I try my best to scrape what's left on my palette. I've been introduced to so many things that have challenged my love for learning.
Life instead became the ocean, slowly eroding away the foundation of my inspiration. It only has been recent that I found my muse and now I can see in color. I know what I want to do. I want to venture out into the world and see how a new environment can change me. How I, under the different pressures will evolve intro a new and complete person. As a child I always loved math and hoped one dy to be an engineer to create and innovate. I want to lean, thrive and do what I love for a living. I believe that I can find this in Colombia Univeristy.

4 comments:

  1. Hoo. Columbia I see. But anyways, nice essay you got there. It's very interesting and not bland and boring. It shows your personality & voice through the essay. I don't really have anything to tell you on how to fix it, other than just read over it and fix the minor mistakes. Other than that, your essay was good! :)

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  2. Very good essay and nice anecdote to start with. You need to add more about how you are today and continue to explain why you like the challenge of learning new things. Excellent job!

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  3. Hi adara! Sorry for the late comment, lol. I love the detail you include in this essay, and the personality that was shown while reading through the essay. Like Lina said, it wasn't boring and bland it was very interesting. I do think though that you should explain more on how you are as a person today. But good job overall!

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  4. Adara! This was a very well written essay, and I liked how it perfectly differentiated you from other kids and gave you the unique flavor that the colleges look for. You used a lot of nice metaphors too that gave color to your writing. I can tell what kind of person you are just by reading this, and that's good. nice job!

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