Querencia Draft
“It’s Saturday! You know what to do!”. Chores. I wake up from my ten plus hour slumber and I drag my self to the bathroom floor, still cold from the early morning weather. Gaaah, I have to sweep the floor, then mop it, do a hundred loads of laundry, fold the laundry, wash the car, clean my jungle of a room, then my pile of homework. Wait, didn’t mama call us yesterday?
I run to the living room where my dad was watching a recording of Threes Company. “Daaad! Remember Mama Bella called us yesterday?”. My dad puts his thinking face on trying to recall of my grandma actually called us, or if I was trying to get out of doing my chores. “Oh, she did call. Get ready by 12, okay? Don’t forget to do your chores right after you get home.”. “Yes dad.” I say calmly. I make my way outside where my sister is hanging the laundry that was being washed probably when I was asleep. “Get ready, Mama is going to pick us up!”. A smile ran across her face. I don’t know if it was because we were going out with grandma, or that our chores would be postponed.
I prop my face on my head as I use my other hand to change the channels. Boring, boring, boring, then I hear a honk by my drive way. “Mama’s here!” my sister yells to get my attention. “Bye mom, bye dad.” I say as I kiss them goodbye. “Don’t forget to--- yes dad!”
I fix myself before I open my grandma’s cool dark blue box car that was new at that time. I have to look my best since I see my grandma once in a while. I don’t want her last memory of me to be dirty and stinky. My sister and I kiss our grandma on the cheek and we drive off. “How’s school?” is how my grandma starts of the conversation. I get lost in the conversation about school, church and anything new, while oldies music play in the background. I forget about my troubles that I left at home. But I happen to hear “we’re going to Liliha Bakery for lunch. You like?” My face lit up right away.
I’m the kind of person who loves food. It’s especially the dished that bring you back. Liliha Bakery was the place that my grandma used to bring me almost every day after I was done with pre-school. As we get out of the cool dark blue dark box car, the three of us enter the small and cozy environment. We take out seats and order the usual. Teriyaki chicken and loco moco, while grandma has an interesting chat with our server about her vacation to Vegas. Along the long diner style table are people that live down the streets to the people that drive far distances to experience the joyful environment. Once in a while when I’m enjoying my meal, I get “Is this Addie and Kayla? Wow they are so big now, I remember...” and “I haven’t seen you two in a long time, you should some here often.”. Grandma looks at them with a bright smile-- proud that we are her grandchildren. Every time that I'm here, I always feel like I'm in a second home. Every bite, smell and touch reminds me of a simpler time where the worries that I had was if the teacher caught me making trouble to my friends, and the only feeling of hurt was when I fell of my tiny tricycle. I completely forget the papers due, the chores undone, and reality that everyone tries to hide from.
I loved reading your querencia. I'm suggesting to check your spelling and word vocab. For example: instead of the word "server" in the 2nd paragraph i would suggest putting waitress or waitor. Good job putting so much dialogue "Is this Addie and Kayle?". I think you should also add a few more sensory details, but either than that I think this essay is pretty well written! GOOD LUCK! :D
ReplyDeleteHi Adara,
ReplyDeleteI agree with your teammates that you did a nice job of building a narrative or story about your querencia.
For the revision, I suggest shortening the beginning just a bit. Leave enough to use as a contrast with Liliha Bakery and to support your conclusion about your querencia, but I don't think you need that lengthy an intro.
Great use of dialogue throughout.
Watch mechanics; there are some careless errors.
mrs s